


August’s Casualties

by tinyjoong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Illnesses, Loss, M/M, Memories, No Plot/Plotless, Personal Growth, Sad, Short & Sweet, Tearjerker, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-07 16:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16857820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyjoong/pseuds/tinyjoong
Summary: In which Renjun passes away when Jeno, his boyfriend of three years, is in the room. Jeno spends the day reliving his relationship with Renjun in a confusing state of mixed emotions. He visits the park where they first met and realizes Renjun wouldn’t want him to put his life on hold any longer.





	August’s Casualties

**Author's Note:**

> **This story is centered around a death due to cancer please don’t read if it’s too much <3 take care of yourselves**
> 
> I hope you all enjoy. :)
> 
> Also: I wrote this while listening to I’ll Be Seeing You by Jimmy Durante <3

Jeno couldn’t take his eyes off of the light that casted through the leaves outside of Renjun’s window. Sobs reverberated behind him. He would not allow himself to turn around because then Renjun would really be _gone_. He figured if he stayed in this position, eyes locked on the sunlight, he could pretend his boyfriend of three years wasn’t dead. He could continue dreaming of his recovery and a candlelit-rose-petal-trail proposal like you’d see in dramas. Not that Jeno had watched any of those by choice. Renjun was always one for cheesy romance. 

The soft weight of a hand on his shoulder reminded Jeno of his own existence and he could at last feel the damp trails his tears left as they slid down his face. Lifting his arm to wipe them, he turned to face the woman.

Renjun’s mom was a warm woman. The type you’d imagine had a vividly colored garden in her backyard. But you wouldn’t think of flowers when you saw her now. The hair-tie that once held her long midnight-hued locks had slid down to let her formerly high ponytail lazily rest against the back of her neck. The eyes that usually arched up into small crescents were now red and tear stained and the sobs that racked her body were far from pleasant. They were the gut-wrenching type— exactly the type you’d imagine a mother to let out upon watching her son die. Upon the sight of the small woman, Jeno went limp in her arms. This was really happening. The boy he built his future around was gone.

-

Renjun seemed to always be sick. Not always in the cancer way, but in the cold or flu way. Even so, nothing will ever prepare you for facing the big cancer diagnoses. Jeno remembers the call. April 6th, 2017. He was walking to the gas station that stood just around the corner. The day had been an okay one. He’d known Renjun had a doctor’s appointment but that wasn’t unusual. Upon reaching the glass doors of his destination, his phone played the soft tune that signified Renjun was calling. The corners of his lips curved up ever so slightly as he answered the phone. Renjun was very clearly sobbing, the heavy breathing and the muffled whimpers gave away his status. ‘Cancer’ was the only word he managed to get out but it was the only one Jeno needed to hear to have him on his feet and running to Renjun’s house. He cuddled the small boy for hours after he arrived, he didn’t let him far from his side after that. 

-

Jeno faded back into reality when he heard his own mother’s soft voice. Her gentle grasp pulled him in for a hug. Jeno took this opportunity to get out of that hospital room.

“Mom, can you take me to the park?” Jeno softly whispered the question into his mom’s ear, still encased in her embrace. 

She lifts up her head to made eye contact with him and nods her head before letting Renjun’s mom know where they were going and if she needed anything to call.

The ride to the only small park in their neighborhood was a tense one. Jeno didn’t want to cry anymore. His gaze never left the trees outside the window which were blurry due to both the speed of the car and his attempt at holding back tears. 

-

Once at the park he plopped down on the dry grass, the sun setting now. It seemed as if time had stopped for him but the world was going on. He could’ve sworn he was in Renjun’s hospital room staring at the sun just five minutes ago

-

The first time Jeno and Renjun met was in this tiny park. Renjun had his head buried in the ripped pages of a tattered book he’d probably had for years. Renjun loved to reread books, he said it was like visiting old memories of your childhood.

Jeno sat next to the boy and copied his form, knees to chest. The only difference being that his head was angled to the right so he could stare at the strands of soft brown hair that had fallen across the other boy’s forehead. The other didn’t look over even once, but Jeno didn’t mind. He enjoyed watching his facial expression change as things happened in his book. 

Thirty minutes had passed when the nameless boy finally stood up to leave. Jeno stayed silent as he watched the other increase the distance between them. He sighed then stood up, almost missing the small scrap of paper sitting next to a large root that protruded out of the ground next to where the boy sat. 

_555-456-9003 ___

__That was the only thing written, but Jeno couldn’t help feel like his heart had grown three sizes in five seconds._ _

__-_ _

__Thinking back, he couldn’t help but notice that the way Renjun came into his life and went out of it were both silent. He knew this was going to be the end of life as he knew it, he’d planned his whole college plan around Renjun. He was going to wait for Renjun before he went to pursue his dream of dancing. Renjun was a year behind him in school due to failing classes because of his sickness. Even in his worst days Jeno held on the hope he had deep in his heart that one day Renjun would get better. He would wait for him._ _

__He knew life had to go on, but right now he wanted to spend a lifetime in that park. He wanted to watch the seasons pass until he was ready to start living again. Wanted to watch the life slip of out the leaves as the bright summer slipped into fall._ _

__But maybe this was Renjun telling him he can’t wait anymore._ _


End file.
